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Welcome to M.U.G.E.N. News at 7. We not only bring you the most up-to-date news concerning M.U.G.E.N. but also THE TRUTH! Unbiased and no-holds-barred, this is YOUR M.U.G.E.N. news.
Let's see what's in the news today.
March 30th, 2006
Elecbyte sues "Kung Fu Man"
For the first time since the "Silent Storm" incident, Elecbyte has spoken out against a member of the M.U.G.E.N. community. This time however, they have gone as far as to file a lawsuit against the offending person. The subject of Elecbyte's current ire is the person known only as "Kung Fu Man", the webmaster of the popular leecher resource site, "Random Select". Elecbyte wasn't able to tell us much about the details of the lawsuit, but they did tell us the following:
"When we created the character Kung Fu Man, we wanted him to be a hardcore fighting machine that Kung Fu Palmed anyone stupid enough to get in his way. But now we have this message board queen going around writing poetry, generally making an ass of himself, and ruining the awesome image that we worked hard to build up for the REAL Kung Fu Man."
Apparently deeply disturbed by the news, the phony Kung Fu Man announced his complete and total retirement from the M.U.G.E.N. scene. However, he resurfaced one day later citing that "[the M.U.G.E.N. community] was falling into ruins" without his presence, despite that no one noticed the fact that he was gone.
Now that he's returned, sources close to the fake Kung Fu Man have told us that he doesn't plan to fight the lawsuit, and is not worried about having to change his nickname.
"Are you kidding?!," said Hoshi, Random Select's resident anime pedophile, "This guy has no problem coming up with creative new names. "Kung Fu Man"... "Random Select"... you think names that clever happen by accident?!!!" Our contact went on to tell us that Kung Fu Man is heavily considering the new nickname "Ryu".
MAY 13th, 2005
Higher Voltage to M.U.G.E.N. Community, "We disapprove of you!!!11oneeleventeentitansO_O"
In a show of support of their fellow "HerVert" and M.U.G.E.N. outcast Baby Bonnie Hood, the Higher Voltage group has spoken out against the M.U.G.E.N. community for their recent chastizing of B.B.Hood for countless instances of stolen material in his characters. Higher Voltage Liason to M.U.G.E.N. DANfan was the first to speak out against the M.U.G.E.N. community.
"This is just ridiculous. I am considering leaving M.U.G.E.N. altogether over this! It's incidents like this that really make you miss the old TESTP boards," stated the self-proclaimed M.U.G.E.N. expert. When asked what he had contributed to M.U.G.E.N. or the community, DANfan just stared in silence before turning around and running straight into a wall.
DANfan's disenchantment with the M.U.G.E.N. community was echoed by master of the shading-less sprite editing style and Higher Voltage higher-up Gavok. "It's a bunch of hypocritical elitism," he commented. "It's typical M.U.G.E.N. hypocritical elitism. The hypocritical elitism of the community never ceases to amaze me! Hypocritical elitism." While being asked to elaborate on his accusations of "hypocritical elitism", Gavok interrupted with, "OOOOO NOESSSS!!!!111!! TEH SOTLEN SUM1 CALLS TEH COP!!111eleventyone" Apparently amused with himself, Gavok's snickering was the only thing to break the resulting silence.
A group meeting was held within Higher Voltage headquarters on how to deal with the M.U.G.E.N. situation. However, after two minutes of discussion the conversation digressed into a clusterfuck of chat-room antics, faux-anime fanfiction discussion, and a debate on which Azumanga Daioh character the HerVerts would stick their atrophied penises in.
MAY 9th, 2003
Sakura plagued by rumors
Tired of all the lies and rumors circulating about her, Street Fighter Alpha's Sakura asked to be interviewed and hopefully put an end to the humiliating gossip about her and Orochi Herman. We traveled with Sakura on her world fighting tour, where she revealed to us the truth about her relationship with Orochi Herman.
"The truth is," Sakura started, "The truth is there is NO RELATIONSHIP!"
Sakura told us the story of how she was approached by Orochi Herman after a tournment battle, and how the meeting ended in violence.
"The little pervert asked me for my autograph, so I figure, alright, and signed a tissue like he had asked. He then... God... he started masturbating right there in front of me! I was so shocked! I mean, I, I just froze up! Then he tried to look up my skirt! So I beat the Hell out of him!"
"So that's why he looks the way he does," thought our interviewer aloud.
"No," chuckled Sakura, "he actually looked like that BEFORE I kicked his ass!"
The life of a street fighter is a troublesome one, as we learned on our trip with Sakura. A difficult road, made even harder by situations like the one involving Orochi Herman. Hopefully this report will put an end to the horrible rumors started by the simpled-minded and lonely Orochi Herman, and Sakura will be able to get her life back on track.
Orochi Herman, however, has gone into hiding since news of this report was made. He was last seen in his backyard, running around with his head in a beehive.
MAY 2nd, 2003
Elecbyte comes clean
Recently, Elecbyte, the company responsible for the 2-D fighting game engine M.U.G.E.N., went on record as saying the M.U.G.E.N. project has "hit a snag". The explanation silenced the critics who said that the project had died, and ended a long year of speculation about the future of M.U.G.E.N. and Elecbyte. However, the "snag" that Elecbyte spoke of was never fully explained. We were granted an exclusive interview with Elecbyte's Dave, where he reveals the reason for the "snag" and the truth behind all the rumors. We met with Elecbyte's Dave at his college dorm and spoke with him, as he slurped down a bowl of ramen.
MN@7: "Thank you for taking time out to speak with us."
DAVE: "Hey, uh, no sweat, man."
MN@7: "Now you and the other members of Elecbyte have claimed that the M.U.G.E.N. project has, quote, hit a snag. Care to explain what that means?"
DAVE: "Oh, yeah, that. Well, uh, you know all that money that was donated so that we could compile Windows M.U.G.E.N.? Um, we lost all of it."
MN@7: "You... lost it?"
DAVE: "Yeah, well, uh, *slurp*, me and the other guys thought that if we took it to Vegas that we could triple it playing the cards. Hah, but we lost it all. Did you know that the odds are against you at the casinos?"
MN@7: "That's common knowledge. So... you're saying you lost all the donated money gambling?"
DAVE: "Uh, nah, not all of it. We, like, uh, also had to get text books, too. OH, hey! Listen to this rare Weezer MP3 I just downloaded! It's tres sweet, dude!"
MN@7: "Thank you for your time."
Elecbyte is reportedly thinking of ways to make back the money they lost gambling. Ideas include a pro hackey-sack league, and just asking for the money again.
New French news affiliate
The M.U.G.E.N. News Network is proud to announce the opening of the French affiliate site, Les Nouveaux M.U.G.E.N. Turn to Les Nouveaux M.U.G.E.N. for inquisitive M.U.G.E.N. news reporting from the land of wine and brie. A Brazillian news affiliate, tentatively titled "chars and white women is ROXXX", is still in the planning stages.
APRIL 14th, 2003
Orochi Herman fools the world
This past April 1st, the pervert-extraordinaire Orochi Herman shocked the world with the news that M.U.G.E.N. has been updated after a year's wait. Fans all around the nation rushed to the Elecbyte homepage only to learn the shocking truth: It was an April Fool's joke!
"I haven't been fooled this badly since last year when someone said that M.U.G.E.N. was updated," said an anonymous Dev poster.
"I don't know how he does it," another Dev poster commented, "I mean, new M.U.G.E.N.! I would've never guessed that it was an April Fool's joke!"
Orochi Herman, who claims to be dating fictional Street Fighter character Sakura, laughed heartily and let us in on his plans for next year's April Fool's joke.
"Hehehe, let's just say that there'll be a lot of people rushing to Elecbyte.com and coming away disappointed," giggled the stupid bastard. "But, so there are no hard feelings, here's a great M.U.G.E.N. tip for all you aspiring creators," continued Herman, unfortunately, "To name your character, put a name in the "name" parameter in the character's def file."
Di Gi Jared ousted
A wave of outrage and disbelief swept the M.U.G.E.N. community as one of its greatest creators was banned from one of GohanSSM2 and Slack32's millions of bustling forums. Di Gi Jared, age 21, was violently kicked out of GohanSSM2's forum after posting about the New Dev Order.
When asked about his reasons, GohanSSM2 had this to say: "That NIGGER Dookie Jerkhead was just spreading more of his lies! Code thief Sunboy has him wrapped around his finger to spread nDo misinformation and help steal HARD WORKING DBZ CHARACTERS! Everything he says is a LIE!!!"
Gohan then adjusted his tin-foil helmet. "Can't be too careful," the sad middle-aged fatty said, "nDo have their brain-washing satellites running at full power!!!"
Upon hearing of the news of Di Gi Jared's banning, all the members of the forum rejoiced. Reports say the two of them have never been happier.
JANUARY 10th, 2001
Game Nexus 2k updated
In a move that could very well REVOLUTIONIZE THE ENTIRE WORLD, Silent Storm redesigned his site. It has recieved mixed reviews from "It still looks like shit" to "Ugh, that's shit is UGLIER". We here at MN@7 know that our reader has an open mind, so we're letting you decide for yourself. Here is an official mirror of Game Nexus 2k.
GAME NEXXXUS 2K
DECEMBER 12th, 2000
MUGEN Dev writes books
In an attempt to raise money to support their soon-to-be-failing message board, the MUGEN Dev team is writing a text book on physics which they are going to sell for 2 billion dollars a pop. I was invited to take a look at how the production of the book is coming along. I visited their headquarters in Ben Franklin Elementary School and spoke with their leader, MUGEN Dev himself.
"This book is really great. Its explains physics how they really are. For example, all that "what goes up must come down" gibberish... that's lame. The truth is that gravity only applies to those with green eyes! And if you're wearing a pair of boots at the time then you become able to EAT GRAVITY! Yes! EAT IT! Meaning that you can chew the gravity! Everyone thinks you can't eat gravity, but you really can because it's edible! And you can eat edible things!"
"Yeah. :)" said another MUGEN Dev staff member; sunboy. "My dad beats me. Someone please listen to me."
"Our book is so great were going to be famous and get lots of chicks ^_^" commented a 3rd staff member, D@rk-SuN. He then immediately proceeded to smear his own feces all over his face. "i hope my sister wont get jealous when im having sex with other girls ^_^ come to think of it i hope my dad doesn't get jealous either... ^_^"
I then spoke with Tenebrous, the head bibliographer. "Another serious myth we tackle is "anything in motion, stays in motion". This is petty nonsence. Simply because I said so. Now leave. ..."
Several scientists and engineers have met with the MUGEN Dev team to try to explain to them that what they're doing is completely wrong. To that, yet ANOTHER MUGEN Dev staff member, Orochi Herman, replied, "I see where you're coming from. And you're right. I'll see what I can do." He then pressed a big red button which opened up a trap door underneath the men; dropping them into a pit of crocodiles.
The visit from the scientists caused sunboy to shake violently and scream "Fucking lamers. With their LAME Phds. Lame ass lamers. THEY RUIN EVERYTHING! Fuck them. :)"
Just before my time was up, I met with the president of the group, Destino.
MN@7: "Mr. _PT, why're you doing this? You're a smart man. You know this is silly."
DESTINO: "it`s better to ask this; why does the rock skip across the water?"
MN@7: "Er...."
DESTINO: "you see, there comes a time when we all must vanquish the monster that lives in our ears."
MN@7: "I... don't... quite get what you're saying."
DESTINO: "to live is to love the air around you. take that into thought."
MN@7: "..."
DESTINO: "Good day my child."
Production on the book is nearing completion, and has already recieved several orders from Alabama public schools.
NOVEMBER 3rd, 2000
"We are not D@rK-Sun", say retards
"DUH TIME IS NOW!" screams one retard, "DIS DISCRIBINASHUN MUST BE STOBBED!"
Retards everywhere have gathered upon the Lincoln Memorial to made their voices be heard about a very important topic: D@rk-SuN.
"D@rk-SuN is a FUCKING MORON!" said another before stopping to wipe the drool from his face, "do you hab any idea how much it hurts to be grouped with him? Dah..."
Kaori Yokushitsu, a non-retard who is fighting for their rights said during her speech, "After YEARS and YEARS of fighting for respect from you NORMAL people, down-syndrome victims are having all the respect taken away when they're associated with that idiot D@rk-SuN! I mean, GOD! He's really fucking stupid! He ends every sentence with '^_^'! Not even my 10 year old sister Hashi does that!"
Activist are proposing that referring to D@rk-SuN as a "retard" and the like be outlawed.
"Just call him a fag or something. He seems pretty fruity to me." said an average M.U.G.E.N. fan. "By the way, do you know where I can get SSJ8 Goku or Nude Jill?!?!?!!"
The President is predicted to veto this bill because it's really fucking gay.
Thank you for tuning in to M.U.G.E.N. News at 7. If anything happens in the world of M.U.G.E.N. we'll be the first to cover it!